Doris Lee Phillips Bingham

My grandma died Monday night. I thought I'd dealt with her impending death after my grandpa died, but I've been shocked at the emotions that I keep feeling.

I lived with she and my Grandpa after mom died. It was a great time for me. I've struggled over the years with relationships and the relationship a man and a woman have with each other. I learned much in the 10 months I was living with them.

I watched each evening when I came home from work and looked thru their kitchen window to see them washing dishes (Grandpa) and drying dishes (Grandma) and they'd be talking and talking. I wondered what you talk about when you've been married for 50 years. One time shortly after Valentine's Day I walked into the kitchen to see a dozen roses sitting at my grandma's spot at the dinner table. I was impressed, very impressed that not ONLY had my grandpa remembered Valentine's Day, but he'd also bought her roses after the fact. I praised him! I was impressed with his generosity. He looked rather sheepish and I couldn't figure out why.

He left Grandma and I to do the dishes. (He did that alot when I lived there. :) ) She said, "He forgot to give me something for Valentines Day so I let him have it. So that's what he brought me today."

I learned a long lasting lesson in that short interchange. A successful marriage is when one partner lifts the other up in the presence of those around them. They don't embarrass them. Grandpa probably never knew that I found out the reason for Grandma getting the roses and that's the way Grandma would have wanted it.

Grandma preferred to live her life out of the spotlight. I flew in for my Grandpa's Surprise 80th Birthday Party. And he was surprised. I must have forgotten that Grandma's birthday was coming up and she'd be turning 80 because I received an email from her telling me of plans for a birthday party. She didn't want me to feel like I had to fly in or feel bad if I couldn't. I felt bad because I didn't until much later when I realized that for her it was important that I be there for Grandpa.