August 14, 1997...A Day I'll Never Forget

On August 14th 1997 my mother was killed in a tragic car accident.  My life changed forever that day in more ways than one.  I remember vividly the feelings I had.  They are as vivid to me as if it had happened yesterday.  I remember the overwhelming feeling of "What are we supposed to do?"  I don't recall wondering "Why?" as much as just trying to make it thru the day, that day and the many others that came after it.

The night my mom died my two youngest brothers slept with me.  I woke up often throughout the night to check on them and make sure they were okay.  They, Cameron and Karl, were only twelve years old and nine years old.  I quietly got up in the early morning hours and went for a walk. A very long walk!  I cried and cried on that walk.  My heart was heavier than I thought I would ever be able to bear.  As I walked and cried and prayed, I saw a friend of our family walking.  They had moved from the neighborhood but we'd still kept in contact with each other.  I looked up ran into her arms and cried.  She had no idea until I told her what had happened.  She just held me patting my back.

We each walked on (I'm sure she didn't talk much after our conversation) and I stopped at a high school friend's house to ask her father for a priesthood blessing.  In the blessing I was given insight as to why mom was needed when her young family still so desperately needed her; I felt more than anyone could possibly need her. http://mormon.org/faq/topic/priesthood/question/purpose-of-priesthood


As I left my friend's house and walked home, my heart was still so very heavy but there was a peace that I knew I was going to be okay.   The days that followed were difficult.  I remember walking upstairs and watching my brother comfort his wife and I felt so left out that they had each other to rely on while I had no one except for myself.  My mom's sister came from Idaho to be with her parents and brought my cousin, Neil, whom I relied on for much comfort.  Even with all the help I was given during that time, I remember most the feeling of isolation and loneliness.

It would take me a little over a year before I would realize that it was during those feelings of isolation and loneliness that I was learning to walk with my Savior.  As a poem goes about the footprints in the sand and the question was asked, 'Why at the hardest time in my life is there only one set of footprints?'  The reply was, 'Those were the times I carried you.'

As I look back on my life and during the hard times, I realize and I am thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who sent his Son to die for me so He could understand what I was going thru during my difficult time(s).  

On Tuesday it will be fifteen years since she died and I am grateful for every blessing which has come my way since that life changing day.  I am grateful for the stepping stone her death was in my life.  I miss her everyday.  My heart breaks as the memories fade but I am grateful for the arms which have surrounded me when I could not (cannot)  raise my head enough to acknowledge the Hand in my life.

I look forward to the day and the time when I will be able to meet her and embrace her in a hug and give her kiss.  For now, I am content to enjoy watching my life unfold the way Heavenly Father intended it.

Thanks for living the gospel, Mom.  It's the greatest lesson you could've passed on.

2006 Wedding

Wedding 2008 

And if I do say so myself that is one amazing family!